Facebook Socializing: Not Just A Face Part II

The Change

Before the Internet hit the scene in a big way, people were lamenting the loss of socializing in the olden days. Of communal living, of evenings spent on the porch having meaningful conversations,  of stimulating intellectual discourse, of heart to heart talks with intimate friends. Before radio and TV, people used to spend more time just talking to each other, relating to one another. Blame was also heaped on urban sprawl, the soul-deadening suburban subculture, longer work hours, the disappearance of small, friendly neighborhoods, the slow death of long, handwritten letters and the written word.

Then came the Internet - and it came in a big way. People started going on forums, finding connection in a novel way, and reading and writing, albeit in a different form. Like the sublimely adaptive creatures we are, we took it and made it ours, and as technology influenced us we influenced back and have morphed it into something that fifteen years ago we wouldn't have imagined. Well, maybe Steve Jobs and a few others did, but the vast majority would have no idea how rapid and immediate the effects of the new Information Age would hit us.

Singles who had difficulty in meeting others could meet online, face unseen, and had to have a leap of trust. They did, and in droves. Friendships were formed, weddings were planned, we shared product reviews and frustrations and all of a sudden we connected again. Critics complained about the lack of humanity in these interactions, citing that cyberspace was no place to be truly human.

How Facebook Reinvented - and Revitalized - Socializing

As society became more fragmented, especially in the big cities, people started growing more and more apart. Everyone was busy with their own lives, whether building a career, working long hours just to get by, raising families, or caring for others, that isolation started to set in. "I haven't talked to my dear high school friend in years." "I wonder what happened to Sara." But we moved on with our lives, the Internet's people tracking devices too time-consuming and complicated to truly dig those people out for many.

When Facebook burst into the scene in 2004, it was the ideal vehicle for youth's narcissism and vehicle for peer tracking that college students desired. No wonder then that the idea was birthed in a Harvard college dorm.

Facebook was no MySpace. Whereas MySpace had a complicated, somewhat unattractive interface, Facebook was fresh, clean, and personal. MySpace had a feeling of being outdated very quickly. The "Like" button revolutionized personal connection. How else would you know that your high school friend who lives across the world likes India Arie as much as you do? Or know where your dear high school friend is in the first place? 

Many people have reconnected after years of living hundreds, if not thousands of miles apart. Others live a mile away but have never shared anything but casual talk and now are finding themselves surprised and amused by the other's interests, preferences, likes, and are much better able to form a composite of that person. I know, I know, we are not just a collection of likes and dislikes as this may sound. And many people are guarded on Facebook. However, many people also let go of some inhibitions on Facebook and feel free to blast their ranting about life on their status. What frustrates them, what excites them, what amuses them, what they find intellectually stimulating. In real life, you may never get to that conversation. 

At midnight in the privacy of your own home you can admire pictures of a dear friend you haven't seen in twenty years, comfort another who was just diagnosed with breast cancer, congratulate another who just found out she's having a baby, wish a coworker a happy birthday, find out about the separation of that couple you wanted to have dinner with, see what real life social events are around you to attend, watch an uplifting video a cousin recommended, and discover the finer points of your partner's religious inclination. This is not TV. These are real people, real lives, and albeit shared on the Internet, more interactive than an imaginary video game or TV show.

All this is fodder for more conversation in real life. "Hey, Martha, I never knew you were into knitting. I knit myself." "Jim, I liked the video you posted. That was my favorite song growing up." "Gloria, if you need to talk, I'm here for you. Call me." If Facebook makes you reach out to people more, you are using it as a tool of socializing, not as your only source.

Instead of lamenting the spread of technology, why not embrace our adaptive qualities and transform this technology to our advantage and use it to enhance socialization, not hamper it? I believe Facebook could be used, like anything else, in a good way or in a bad way. The point is, at least consider the possibility that it can help foster togetherness in the real sense, a sense of connection.

Facebook Socializing: Not Just A Face Part I

Facebook is here to stay. What it is about socializing online that is so appealing to us? Perhaps it's because we really get to know the people we "friend". In ways that we wouldn't have dreamed of knowing them. In fact, I argue that in some ways Facebook has helped us get in touch with people on a level deeper than sometimes we have hoped to achieve by merely spending time together in real life in our own busy, preoccupied lives. Facebook may help us reconnect with our own and fellow human beings' humanity. This of course, means that you may want to be careful who you friend. Next time you are considering accepting the friend request of the crazy cat lady down the block, determine first whether you would like to know more of her love life, her most cherished values, favorite childhood songs and political opinions.

When we socialize in real life, as busy parents and workers, we tend to compartmentalize. Let me explain. Say you are a mother of two who spends her time picking up her two children from school and from dance and martial arts classes. Once a month you go on a girls night out. Once every two weeks you go on dates with your husband. Fact of life: This may be all the socializing you get for a few years. Now let us go into each department and quality of friends in each category.

Picking up children from school

You either a) drive around in the car and pick them up, no contact with other adults or b) walk inside the school or stand outside and talk for a few minutes before school lets out. Of course, those of us who pick up our children coming from the school bus may meet a few adults on the way, or not. In that time, any conversation is usually either idle chat about the weather or schools or teachers, perhaps an issue is child is experiencing, whether learning or behavioral. It's unlikely you will get very far, as the child comes in and you're off in different directions. There is not enough time to really converse.

Extracurricular activities

Picking up children from activities is pretty similar, except that the occasional lucky outgoing mom gets a chance to wait around with another mom and really have a conversation. Even then, the topics tend to float around the same theme - the children, the class, school, the odd political comment. Unless a concerted effort is made to further expand the relationship, this is all it amounts to. This, of course, is for most people. I'm generalizing here. But that's just the point. I'm speaking in general terms.

Girls' Night Out

Most, if not all women, want to have fun and forget for a few hours the cares of the household, parenting, even marriage. Women want to relax, recharge, feel like a woman again, reconnect with their friends. Many, however, go about this in the less than ideal fashion. Going out drinking at bars and partying all night may satisfy the youthful vixen that's been lying dormant since you left your college days behind, however, it won't help you connect deeply with your friends. Human beings are wired to reach out, to connect, to want to have hearts and minds meet in a meaningful way. Whether we like to admit or not, our cavemen around the campfire days are not over. We may have blindingly fast-moving technology, but that doesn't mean that we still don't long for human connection at the most basic level. 

To be continued in Next Post..

The Middle Passage

How many inhuman atrocities have been committed during this sad part of our history? We shall never know.

This powerful undersea sculpture reminds us of the humanity during the injustices, the spirit of those who perished. We are important, we are not forgotten. We are united. That's what I believe they are saying in this moving piece of artwork. I couldn't agree more.

First Coin Minted With Augmented Reality

A new Aruban coin is out now, first in the world minted with Augmented Reality technology, which means that anyone with a smartphone can scan the coin and get information on whatever is on the coin. In this case it's the endangered Aruban shoco (owl). It looks pretty nifty to me. Minted by the Royal Dutch Mint and only 2,500 released, it's sure to be desired by collectors. Check out this article describing it:

http://www.coinsweekly.com/en/News/4?&id=1342

Texting and Driving Considerations

Who else waits until her spouse arrives at his destination before texting him? I was pondering this today after having been unnerved by the ESPN Euro Cup commercials last month - anyone see them?

A girl is sadly looking into the camera and images cut back and forth as she's talking about her friend. Her friend, it turns out, died in a car crash because she was looking at the text this friend sent her. It was a simple "Hi" or something to that effect.

That left a bone-chilling feeling in me. I realized that every time I send out a text, I could potentially be endangering that person.

Henceforth, I have decided to wait to text my husband right after he leaves the house on his 15-minute trip to work, and text him instead oh, 25 minutes later. This way I can give him a chance to drive and get to his destination unencumbered.

Naturally, I don't have any control Over what other texts he receives from other people during his car trips. What I can do is to remind him that I love him and to be safe while he is on the cellphone in car, and do not text while driving.

When we first got texting services, he made me promise not to text while driving. I'm going even further, and not texting while he is driving either.

Feel free to comment on this post.

The fascination with My Little Pony

My Little Pony is popular with males - males with chest hair. Bronies, as these young men call themselves, dig My Little Pony and are all over the Internet dreaming up new stories, plots, characters, and creating memes. College women dress up as Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle. What is this fascination with My Little Pony?

Back when I was a girl, back when Madonna reigned supreme on the pop charts, My Little Pony was a girly cartoon with sighing little ponies. At least that's what it looked like to me, I actually never remember watching an episode. I was too busy watching Thundercats and The Flintstones. My Little Pony was popular with many little girls at the time, but just with little girls. Boys and men wouldn't dare watch it, or admit watching it, let alone form fan groups.

Almost thirty years later, and My Little Pony is back on my radar. I have a five-year-old girl who loves My Little Pony as much as her big brother (8). This is not the My Little Pony from my recollection. My Little Pony is refreshed for the new generation of not just children, but preteens, tweens, teens, and even college students. The show appeals to a wide audience in part because of its focus on universal themes of friendship and great writing. There is action, intrigue, wonderful storytelling, and believable characters. The expressions of the ponies are priceless, well-executed. The music is fun and appropriate, the pace just right. Can you tell I'm a fan?

Where there is quality, the audience will follow, and My Little Pony's producers and creators have reinvented this show and taken it to a new level. To the point that my action-loving eight-year-old enjoys it, my husband, myself, and of course, my animal-loving little girl.

Let's toast to the bronies, who are confident enough to admit enjoying a quality show.

Zoo Extravaganza

You know you had a full day when you spend 10 AM to 4:30 PM at the zoo with four adults and six kids. If it weren't for the oasis of the waterpark I probably wouldn't be writing this blog at the moment. At what felt like 90+ degrees and what felt like 100 percent humidity, we trudged along, desperately looking for mists to cool us off. Breeze, please. No such luck. However, my birthday girl had a wonderful time with her two best friends - they saw a range of exotic animals, petted snakes, munched on cheeseburgers, climbed on rocks, rode on a camel, went around on a carousel, fed giraffes, and licked ice cream off their spoons. What a day!